I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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