My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
