you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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