My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
