the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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