so explain again why im purple
no
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
