i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
