I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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