I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
