And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Pooping to opera.
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