420 ftw
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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