drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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