One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
