HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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