arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
