you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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