I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Randomize
