I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
