Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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