We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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