I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
