I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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