Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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