You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
