I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
