i think my tv is drunk
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
