Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
