I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
