mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
