Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
