it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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