carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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