we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
