bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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