Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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