Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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