He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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