i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
