I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
