is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
