based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
