just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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