A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
