im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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