There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
