I hope mine doesn't look like that
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
