if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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