Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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