I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
