i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
