I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
