try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
