basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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