Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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