If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize