I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
