It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
