Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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