I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
