i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
