You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
