That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
