Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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