SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
