just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
