We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
