God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got inside last night via doggy door
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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