My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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