This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
