Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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