Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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