News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish there were birth control emojis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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