there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
