Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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