I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
