I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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